I heard this quote at an early age and it really stuck with me. There is a lot in this world that we do not have control over and, for that reason, I might finish this quote differently rather than what is said about “destiny.” On the other hand, the one thing we do have control of is our own actions and, therefore, our habits. The kind of person we become is our own choice. We have the power to decide if we will put more good and positive things into the world or more hurtful and negative things out into the world. We choose if we are going to be someone who gives up easily or who perseveres. We choose if our identity will be wrapped up in things that matter or in things that won’t last. All of our little decisions add up to make habits that either go one way or the other. Our habits add up to make us the person we are or will become.
This is partially what drives my own discipline. Take exercising, for example. I try do something active, like running, at least six times a week. I have consciously made the decision that “I am a person who exercises regularly.” It is wrapped up in my identity and the rhythm of my life. Therefore, if I don’t do it, I am not myself. And because I know how difficult it is to get back into shape after “taking a break,” I maintain my habit of regular exercise diligently. Taking a couple days off only makes it that much easier to take a few more days off, which is on its way to creating a new habit of its own. So I will allow myself a day of rest or recovery but I avoid “letting myself go” at all costs. -M
Related quotes:
If you do not consciously form good habits, you will unconsciously form bad ones. -unknown
The best decision-makers know when not to trust themselves. -Roy F. Baumeister
The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret. -Sarah Bombell
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change. – Eng’s principle
We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. -Romans 5
I’ve always loved quotes and recently started collecting them on my pinterest board. I thought it would be kind of fun to create my own images to go with them, so this might be a new “mini blog series” for the next couple weeks. I’ll share briefly what the quote means to me or how it relates to the mission of our blog: simply intentional.
I think the above quote is extremely true. Oftentimes we say something is important to us, but the true test is whether we actually put our time, energy, money, and effort into it. When what we say- or even believe- is important to us, does not line up with our actions, we are sadly deceiving ourselves and not fully living the life we intended. So here’s a question for all of us to consider then: What am I putting my time, energy, money, and effort into? Take a second to think about what exactly you spent your waking hours on yesterday, what purchases took up a lot of your budget this past month, what has been occupying the majority of your thoughts. Sometimes my answers start to sound like things I’d be ashamed to call important: watching TV shows online, buying food that just gets wasted or that degrades my health, thinking bitterly about other peoples’ behaviors. If these are the opposite of what’s important to me, it’s time to try being more intentional with my time, energy, money, and effort, like spending more quality time face-to-face with people I care about, buying only what I need, bettering my health, and reflecting on how I can continue to improve my own character.
Other related quotes:
We excuse our sloth under the pretext of difficulty. ~Marcus Fabius Quintilian
There is no such thing as a list of reasons. There is either one sufficient reason or a list of excuses. ~Robert Brault
For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. ~Romans 7:19
This time Jedd took over the video editing, bringing to you a glimpse of our trip to Oahu over New Years for a big family reunion, time to relax, help around the house, and get in a little play time as well. It was our last trip “home” before we take off to Peace Corps, and it was full of memories we’ll treasure. Now that it’s been gloomy, snowing, and pouring rain in Portland, these memories prove to be a “light in the darkness” in so many ways. (Since people were asking in our last video: Made with this year’s and last year’s Christmas gifts, our waterproof GoPro camera and Panasonic HDC-TM55.)
Tomorrow will have an island. Before night I always find it. Then on to the next island. These places hidden in the day separate and come forward if you beckon. But you have to know they are there before they exist.
Some time there will be a tomorrow without any island. So far, I haven’t let that happen, but after I’m gone others may become faithless and careless. Before them will tumble the wide unbroken sea, and without any hope they will stare at the horizon.
So to you, Friend, I confide my secret: to be a discoverer you hold close whatever you find, and after a while you decide what it is. Then, secure in where you have been, you turn to the open sea and let go.
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When I was in first grade, I remember my dad went on a fishing trip, just for a day, and I lost it emotionally. I remember crying, having a hard time breathing, and not giving in to Ms. Sato’s empathy and logical reasoning. I just believed that I wouldn’t see my dad again. Somehow I calmed down, dad came back with fish that night, and in retrospect, I was just a scared little boy.
Flash forward to 2006 – My little brother visited me in Washington on his way home from college that summer. While preparing dinner for both of us, Joel decided to use the free time to go skate around the neighborhood. I remember being really worried and scared for his safety. Sure we lived in a quiet neighborhood, but what if someone hit him with a car? What if he accidentally ate it, hit his head, broke some bones- or worse, died? Feeling sick to my stomach with all the possibilities, I walked out to the alleyway to find my brother carving up the street, doing sick maneuvers, and more importantly: he was fine.
As Michelle and I look toward living and serving abroad for a couple of years, there are moments where I regress to these past moments of fear. Call it maturity, call it rational thinking, or call it peace, but I do find myself today in a better place than those previous times of emotional instability. I see that in all those instances of fear, there have been far too many other days and moments where I haven’t been fearful, where the worst didn’t happen (and doesn’t happen). I realize that I have control over somethings, but there are far too many things I don’t have control of (see “Serenity Prayer”). I am consoled with the fact that I believe that God is watching out for my family and I, and if something were to happen, that it is for a reason.
It’s not easy to think this way, to trust in God, to let go.
I am now fully aware of the way fear can paralyze us from doing things. I remember how fearful I was to truly embrace being engaged and preparing myself for marriage. I remember having trouble sleeping, having panic attacks, and doubts. It wasn’t because I didn’t love Michelle. It was because I loved her and knew how scared I was to ever lose someone I loved. You don’t get to choose your family, and so loving them and risking loss is inherent. But choosing to love someone and commit your life to them is…scary. The thought of losing someone you love is unbearable and yet, we must bear it or else we may never truly live.
“Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”
And so here I am…a point in my life where I never thought I would be. I look back at all those fearful times and see that God was working in me, preparing me for this time in my life. Am I still fearful and worrisome? Yes. Will there be trials ahead during our time abroad and the rest of my life? Of course. But will there be adventure, new friends, and discovery? There better be, or else I don’t know what more there is to live for.
I love William Stafford’s poem “Security” because it speaks to me and where I am in life. There is, however, just one more thing I would add to his poem (not literally)… I am a discoverer, not only because of my ability to face fears and to let go (with the help of God), but because I know I am loved by my family (my “security”, my island home) and I love and will miss them. Without love (God), I am incapable of discovering more about myself and about life, incapable of facing whatever is ahead (which literally for Michelle and I is another island).
Ever since watching Forks Over Knives (which Jedd blogged about here) I found a great blog by the “Healthy Librarian” called Happy Healthy Long Life. She’s another great resource for “simply intentional” because she reviews and writes about medical research behind lifestyle choices, like eating vegan. Super informative! Anyway, I really enjoyed one of her non-food-related posts recently, which was based on the Cornell Legacy Project. The Legacy Project is based on collecting practical advice for living from America’s elders. As I am still honing my New Year’s resolutions now that we’re a week into the New Year, reviewing advice from wise folks seemed like a good idea. Here is the Legacy Project video, and below are some of my favorite tips:
Lessons for a Happy Marriage
1.Marry someone a lot like you. Similarity in core values is the key to a happy marriage. And forget about changing someone after marriage. (My own side note: They don’t have to share your personality though!)
2. Don’t keep score. Don’t take the attitude that marriage must always be a fifty-fifty propostition; you can’t get out exactly what you put in. The key to success is having both partners try to give more than they get out of the relationship.
Lessons for a Successful & Fulfilling Career – Glad to Get Up in the Morning
1. Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones. The biggest career mistake people make is selecting a profession based only on potential earnings. A sense of purpose and passion for one’s work beats a bigger paycheck any day.
2. Don’t give up on looking for a job that makes you happy. According to the experts, persistence is the key to finding a job you love. Don’t give up easily.
3. Make the most of a bad job. If you find yourself in a less-than-ideal work situation, don’t waste the experience; many experts learned invaluable lessons from a bad job.
4. Emotional intelligence trumps every other kind. Develop your interpersonal skills if you want to succeed in the workplace. Even people in the most technical professions have their careers torpedoed if they lack emotional intelligence.
5. Everyone needs autonomy. Career satisfaction is often dependent on how much autonomy your have on the job. Look for the freedom to make decisions and move in directions that interest you, without too much control from the top.
Lessons for a Lifetime of Parenting
1. It’s all about time. Sacrifice if necessary to spend the maximum amount of time possible with your children. You and your children need to be together in the flow of daily household life and not just during planned “quality time”.
2. Take a lifelong view of relationships with children. Parenthood goes on long after kids leave home, so make decisions when they are young that will lead to positive relationships in the second half of life.
Lessons for Aging Fearlessly and Well
1. Being old is much better than you think. Don’t waste your time worrying about getting old. It can be a time of opportunity, adventure, and growth. See it as a quest, not an end.
2. Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years. Stop using “I don’t care how long I live” as an excuse for bad health habits. Behaviors like smoking, poor eating habits, and inactivity are less likely to kill you than to sentence you to years or decades of chronic disease. Think walkers, wheelchairs, nursing homes, incontinence, dementia, oxygen, social isolation, and years of dependence.
3. Don’t worry about dying–the experts don’t. Don’t spend a lot of time fretting about your own mortality. What the experts recommend is careful planning and organization for the end of life.
4. Stay connected. Take seriously the threat of social isolation in middle age and beyond, and make conscious efforts beginning in middle age to stay connected through new learning opportunities and relationships.
5. Plan ahead about where you will live (and your parents too). Don’t let fears and prejudices deter you or your older relatives from considering a move to a senior living community. Such a move often opens up opportunities for better living, rather than limiting them.
Lessons for Living a Life without Regrets
1. Say yes to opportunies. When offered a new opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to regret saying yes and more likely to regret turning it down.
2. Travel more. Travel while you can, sacrificing other things if necessary to do so. Most people look back on their travel adventures (big and small) as highlights of their lives and regret not having traveled more.
3. Have grace. Go easy on yourself regarding the mistakes and bad choices you have made. A person with no second thoughts about anything he or she has done is probably someone who hasn’t taken many chances in life–which is something worth regretting. Forgive youself. Be gentle with yourself.
Lessons for Living Like an Expert – Choose Happiness
1. Time is of the essence. Live as though life is short–because it is. The point is not to be depressed by this knowledge but to act on it, making sure to do important things now.
2. Happiness is a choice, not a condition. Happiness isn’t a condition that occurs when circumstances are perfect or nearly so. Sooner of later you need to make a deliberate choice to be happy in spite of challenges and difficulties.
3. Time spent worrying is time wasted. Stop worrying. Or at least cut down. It’s a colossal waste of your precious lifetime.
4.Think small. When it comes to making the most of your life, think small. Attune yourself to simple daily pleasures and learn to savor them now.
5. Have faith. A faith life promotes well-being, and being part of a religious community offers unique support during life crises. But how and what you worship is up to you.
Here’s our official New Year’s update video, looking back on 2011. Although we expected to be heading out to Peace Corps in July, we found out in late spring that our placement changed and we were put on hold until the news of our new assignment arrived in August. Despite this “set-back,” we went ahead with our plans to resign from our full-time positions, travel the country, and visit family and friends. We never dreamed of all the places that our waiting period would take us; and even though the Peace Corps journey is postponed until March 2012, our adventures have already begun!
This post was inspired/stolen from one of our favorite authors, Donald Miller, who recently blogged about it here. I think you’ll like the video!
We’ve always been fans of TED Talks, not to mention sociology and psychology, and this talk seemed to fit especially well with the Christmas season because it’s about connection to others. When I saw it on Donald Miller’s blog, I decided to watch it because I know I have my own struggles with vulnerability and connection.
My husband has been a great example of vulnerability to me. For some reason, he has learned how to be quick to admit when he’s wrong, to face his weaknesses so that he can grow from them, and to put himself out there emotionally. I’m always in awe when he does those things and I feel convicted by his example. Vulnerability has been quite the journey for me, but I’ve come to know how incredibly important it is in order to experience love, to start to become all that I was created to be, and to be able to reach out to others. When I have to admit that I’m wrong to Jedd, there is- still- almost always a moment of hesitation. But if marriage has taught me anything, it’s that vulnerability is necessary. And life has also taught me that there is powerful forgiveness in being vulnerable. After what I would consider the worst thing I’ve ever done, when I would have rather locked up the memory and thrown away the key, God somehow gave me the courage to confess to those who would be concerned. That leap of faith didn’t land me in a black hole, as I had imagined, I came out the other side miraculously forgiven and eventually stronger. I look back on times like that when I was able to be vulnerable and let people see the worst of me, and it proves to me that I can do it again. Since then, I’ve learned how to do things like cry in front of my boss, talk to a pre-marital/marriage counselor, and share my whole life with my husband. But, of course, I still have a long way to go.
It reminds me of a quote I heard in church this year. It comes from a Sister who works on death row, and she says: “The dignity of the human person means that every human being is worth more than the worst thing they’ve ever done.” It doesn’t matter how deep of a pit we dig ourselves into, God can reach down even further. We can’t ever go so far as to lose our worthiness to God because He doesn’t base our worthiness on what we have or haven’t done (that’s where His Son comes in, in case you’re wondering). Brene Brown in the TED Talk says that those who struggle for love and belonging do not believe they are worthy, while those who experience love and belonging accept their imperfections and are willing to be vulnerable. She also says that connection is hardwired into our biology; it is the driving force of our personality. God created us to need each other and also to need Him. Being vulnerable is key to strengthening our connections with others and with God. It may never be easy, but I have to remind myself that it will always be worth it.
(A continuation in a series from When Helping Hurts. Click on the “When Helping Hurts” link under Categories in the side bar to see related posts.)
Too often our attitude in service “initiates the very dynamic that we need to avoid, a dynamic that confirms the feelings that we are superior, that they are inferior, and that they need us to fix them” (pg. 126). I would say that our first thought and most common question when we are going into a community to help is: ‘What are the greatest needs?’ While this question makes a lot of sense, in a way it is essentially asking those we are hoping to serve: ‘What is wrong with you?’ What if we turned that question around and asked ‘What is right with you?’ instead? I’ve grown to appreciate this approach, which is demonstrated by community development experts who practice Asset Based Community Developed (ABCD).
Especially for those of us who profess that every human being is made in God’s image and is blessed with their own gifts and talents, ABCD reaffirms the dignity of the materially poor. It “recognizes that poverty is rooted in the brokenness of the foundational relationships and [can be overcome by] restoring both low-income people and ourselves to living in right relationship with God, self, others, and the rest of creation” (pg. 127). Notice how the questions asked by Asset-Based Community Development could make someone feel more confident, respected, and hopeful:
What gifts do you have?
What assets and resources exist in the community?
What has the community overcome in the past?
How could you use your assets to address the needs and problems in your community?
The book When Helping Hurts does a much better job at summarizing ABCD than I could, so here are the key elements straight from its pages:
Identify and mobilize the capabilities, skills, and resources of the individual or community. See poor people and communities as full of possibilities, given to them by God.
As much as possible, look for resources and solutions to come from within the individual or community, not from the outside.
Seek to build and rebuild relationships among local individuals, associations, churches, businesses, schools, government, etc. God intended for the various individuals and institutions in communities to be interconnected and complementary.
Only bring in outside resources when local resources are insufficient to solve pressing needs. Be careful about bringing in resources that are too much or too early. Do this in a manner that does not undermine local capacity or initiative. (pg. 128)
The book offers a good number of important guidelines for serving others effectively and respectfully. Among them, this one complements the philosophy of ABCD and is often overlooked: Those we are serving should be involved in the “assessment, design, implementation, monitoring and evaluation of the assistance program” (pg. 111). In some cases, this may seem impossible, but in many situations it can make the key difference between success and failure, empowerment and paternalism, long-term community buy-in and lack of interest. Treating people as the responsible stewards that we want them to be and acknowledging that everyone can bring their own gifts to the table are important habits to practice in serving others.
I’ve been doing some grant writing for Haiti Foundation of Hope in my spare time and I think their “CHE” program (pronounced “chay”) provides a great example of empowerment. CHE stands for Community Health Evangelism and is a world-wide model for community-initiated development. Haiti Foundation of Hope originally trained 30 Haitian volunteers to work in community health, the most common use of CHE, and they are now about to start a CHE Microfinance training program. The following explanation comes from the Global CHE Network.
Community Health Workers at a training (from HFH website)
CHE starts with a two- or three-person training team—dedicated Christians who speak the language of the community and live close enough to visit frequently. As they start out in the community, they raise awareness and facilitate a process by which the community itself identifies solutions to their challenges and begins to work together in an organized way. The trainers assure that community leaders understand CHE as a way they can address their physical, social and spiritual needs themselves, not a program that offers them money. The key to CHE is the community’s willingness to take responsibility for addressing its own problems. Through a series of open meetings, the community decides whether or not to do CHE as a community. The community then selects people to serve as their local leadership committee, which is prepared for its work by the training team. The leadership committee selects other community members to be trained as volunteer CHEs (chays)—community health educators/evangelists. The work of these dedicated volunteers is crucial to achieving results.
In 2009, the village committees in Haiti decided on three major health issues to focus on: childhood diarrhea, maternal health and child nutrition. Through frequent trainings, CHEs are equipped to implement health-improving steps in their own homes, and they learn how to pass along what they are learning in home visits with other families. During the first year in Haiti, the community health volunteers were trained on water, sanitation and hygiene, and went house to house teaching families how to keep water clean and use simple methods for hand washing. They also coordinated the construction of several latrines in each of the three villages where they work. Thankfully, they were well prepared to respond to the cholera outbreak in 2010. Additionally, the community health workers have received training on maternal health and now visit every pregnant woman in each village to monitor their health, teach about danger signs to watch for during and after pregnancy, and coordinate emergency transportation for women in labor. (Learn more at the HFH website.)
I’ve always thought that Vegans were a little crazy.
Give up all food that contains any type of animal products in it? No thank you.
Say goodbye to my other loves: meat, cheese, and sushi? No deal.
In many ways, I agree with Anthony Bourdain (No Reservations show host). I believe that some of the most amazing things I’ve ever tasted have come from all things anti-vegan.
And then I saw this movie (thanks to Michelle):
After seeing this movie I’m now singing a new tune: “Why not?”.
What if I told you that just by changing what you ate, you could not only lose weight, but effectively battle diabetes, fatigue, lower your blood pressure, fight heart disease, and more importantly, save your life by actually reversing many of these diseases.
Wouldn’t you say, “why not?”
The only answers I could give myself was:
1. “It won’t taste as good.”
First of all, I don’t think that getting pleasure from eating is a bad thing. However, a lot of the things that people enjoy are purely unhealthy and worst of all, we know it. We know that fried food, soda, sugar, mayo, fat, etc. – yeah, all the “good” stuff- isn’t that good for you at all. We don’t just eat these things on special, rare occasions, we find ourselves consuming these things on a daily basis. You’re probably like me. You don’t just like this kind of food, you CRAVE it.
I’ll have to admit, I wasn’t keen on the whole plant-based diet thing because I didn’t think it would taste good. I tried comparing veggie burgers to beef patties, tofu to chicken and it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) taste the same. That was one of the issues, trying to find plant-based food that substituted and tasted the same as animal based food. You might get lucky, but most of the time, it just tastes different. So the best way to enjoy plant-base food is to learn how to make different, but still very tasty things.
2. “I can’t find anything that doesn’t have animal products in it.”
This really blew my mind: we don’t realize how much food is made from animal products and chemicals. It’s kind of a scary thought. Even if you cut out meat in your diet and tried the vegetarian thing, chances are you would still be consuming animal products and highly processed foods. Take a look at any food packaging in your kitchen. You’ll find lots of it has some sort of animal product in it or a long list of mysterious ingredients you can’t pronounce. Some people have easier access to plant-based, whole foods. Here in Portland it’s pretty easy to find lots of different kinds of plant-base products. Elsewhere in the country where there isn’t much demand, good luck.
And how to cook without butter or milk? Thankfully those vegans know. Apparently there’s a lot of people all over the world that have known this crazy wonderful tip about plant-based eating for many, many years. Folk who have lived longer because of it. I didn’t realize how much literature and resources actually existed about the subject. I was unaware because it is very rare to see any commercials on TV or online advertising plant-base food. Apparently it’s not sexy enough. Or maybe there are companies and politicians who don’t want Americans to hear a different story. They hope we continue lifestyles that have lead to increases in obesity, diabetes, stroke, and heart disease.
—
So will I turn a new chapter in my life and become a full fledged Vegan? Probably not. Truthfully, I don’t see the majority of people doing it either.
However, after watching this movie, talking to awesome friends that are vegan, trying and enjoying whole, plant-based food, and seeing on a daily basis how bad food is ruining good lives, Michelle and I are committed to being more intentional about what we eat and how much we eat.
So “why not?”
If you’ve ever considered it even just a little bit, why not give yourself three months to try something different that could potentially save your life? If after three months you see no changes to your health, go back to what you were doing. I would like someone to try and disprove the notion that a plant-based diet can positively change someone’s life. If you ever need extra support, Michelle and I will join you in your challenge.
I still think vegans are crazy. But if crazy means that it might just save my life, then call me crazy too.
It’s our 101st blog post! I know I do this every year, but what better way to celebrate #101 than showing off Advent Conspiracy. I really admire their videos. It is my dream for our culture to turn around how we do Christmas. Here is this year’s updated video- it speaks for itself!
